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Discussion Starter #1
I have a funny story you guys might like.

I came home from work the other day and my step son Timmy was working on his truck.
The truck is a first class piece of crap, I told him not to buy it but he did anyway, everything in the world is wrong with it and he doesn’t know anything about cars.
He was going to crank it but the starter wouldn’t run, he said he has to hit it with a hammer to jar it sometimes
He walked around to the front of the truck and started beating on the ALTENATOR! I yelled Timmy what are you doing, he said “isn’t that the solenoid”
I said NO it’s the alternator!
He said “that is what I have been hitting to make it start“
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Another one I thought of was a woman I saw at the service station once, the attendant told me he had sold her a quart of oil and she pulled down in the parking lot and went under the hood and had been there for about thirty minutes, he was wondering what she was doing.
I decided to go ask if she needed help

By the time I got there she was nearly finished pouring the oil down the dip stick tube.
I tried to tell he there was an easier way but she didn’t believe me.
 

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The voice of reason !
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Thanks for the chuckles Scott, I guess it's up to us to educate the masses or at least pass on a little advice ?

The funniest one in recent memory is my Finance's friends husband telling me his van was low on power steering fluid (it uses ATF) so I gave him a quart and finished mowing.

After getting done (30 minutes later) I walked over and asked him if it needed more and he tells me it's not the trans that's low, "OK? so what, did you fill up the power steering pump ?" NO he says I need power steering fluid ! :00000060:

It took me 15 minutes and showing him his owners manual before he got a clue, and the promise that if it damaged his van I would pay for the repairs. :banghead3

Now I don't blame people for not knowing about some manufacturer's using ATF for the steering pump but having, to prove to them that the owners/service manual recommendation isn't a typo or some scam to bilk you out of money is way past being dumb !

Sometimes I wonder what people will do if they don't have a guide/manual to help them along the way, and even then it sometimes doesn't help. :fing20:

BTW this is the same guy that ask if I could make a copy of a movie for him then gave it to his wife who had the kids (they drove separate vehicles) so that if the police pulled him over he wouldn't go to jail for piracy, nice huh ? :14_6_5:

Ron
 

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One of my friends took a part time job at a self service gas station years ago...sat in a booth and collected the money and turned the pumps on,that was ALL he was supposed to do....and he did!--until one dark night an old lady came in ,driving her Dodge Dart...said "can you please look at my oil??--I think I need oil in my engine,and I dont know how"...he said he wasn't supposed to leave the booth for any reason,and she about cried,so he felt bad and relented,--it wasn't busy,no one was watching--why not??..

He has her pop the hood latch,and he finds the dipstick,pulls it out,and sees it is almost full,so he tells the lady "your oil level is fine!"--and she thanks him..he goes to put the dipstick back in,and gee,its DARK in that engine compartment!--he fumbles around for awhile,trying to poke the dipstick back into the tube,and missed it completely,and the end of the dipstick ends up touching the starter solenoid terminal,which has the positive battery cable attached to it,and ZAPPPP!..a shower of sparks fly out everywhere,and now the dipstick is turning bright orange!.:eek:.he looks at the lady,then at the parking lot,and sees his boss pullimg into the lot,and he slams the hood shut ,and tells the lady "its all set--GO,thats my boss over there!--I'll get fired if he sees me under your hood"!....and off she drove into the darkness,with an eerie orange glow coming from under the hood of her car...
:eek:

I wonder if she ever made it home??...:rolleyes:...

Another night he saw an older woman putting GAS in her radiator!..he ran over and yelled at her to stop,and she yells right back at him--says "Dont tell ME where to put my gas,,MY EX HUSBAND told me thats definately the GAS cap!....

He backed away and RAN to the booth,and called his boss,and told him what she did,and NOW what do I do??..he says "Eh--just walk away from the pumps when she starts it up--far enough so you wont go "boom" if it decides to blow!--we're insured!...and the fire extinguishers will put it out anyway...
:eek:....he quit that jon about a week later...:D
 

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The Admin from... Nowhere!
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So, when we were all MUCH younger, my older sister used to drive my dad's second truck, a '74 AMC J10... This was RIGHT after she got her license, in the mid-eighties... So one night, about 2:30 am, she calls home.. "Dad, the truck won't start!" So out he goes... Even before he pops the hood, he can smell the boiling battery acid.. The battery is done like dinner... Turns out the regulator went, and the oversized alternator had been pumping 60 amps into it for who knows how long... "Didn't you NOTICE that little gauge with the plus and minus on it was ALWAYS over on the plus side, ALL the time?!?"

Well no... So, after the new regulator goes in, and my sister gets the big lecture about watching her gauges, she gets back to driving it.. And she's TOTALLY conscientious about watching her gauges... Fast forward a couple of weeks, to another late night telephone call...

"Dad, the oil pressure gauge says 0, what should I do?!?"

"Stay right there, DON'T go anywhere, I'll be RIGHT there!"

Out he goes again, gets to the truck, pops the hood and (by flashlight) checks the dipstick... Hmmmm.. Oil level is fine... Gets in the truck, turns the key, it fires right up and the oil pressure gauge reads fine.... Hmmm... After thinking for a moment, he asks her,

"So... When you looked at the oil pressure gauge, was the engine RUNNING?"

"Um, no... Was it SUPPOSED to be?"

(TRUE story, I kid you not!)
 

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So you get a phone call from a young person,
and they tell you they have a flat tire,
and ask if you can fill your air tank and bring it over.

And you do as they ask. When you get there and you mention that the tank has a hundred pounds in it........

And they reach in the back of your truck to grab the air tank, pick it up with one hand, and say

"It must of all leaked out, cause its awfully light"


:fing20:

true story.......
 

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Awhile back when I was showing my little brother the ins and outs of my 1970 Sears SS12 I told him where the fuel valve is and told him that when ever the engine is not running to close it. Well I decided to test him a little later on (10 minutes) and I asked him if the fuel was on.... He replied "nope, there's no light coming from the tank"..... But he did have the fuel valve closed.


One time grandpa asked him if the tire was full enough and my brother answer "no!! Are you kidding me! The side of the tire is not flat.".... Mind you this is an OLD tire.... So more air went into the tire and he asked again.... Got the same response. Two seconds later it sounds like a gun went off and grandpas laying on his back 4-5 feet from the tire and my brother is laying on his stomach covering his head with his hands. I yelled up the hill "is it full yet!", that set my brother off crying as he got up running into the house. He was only 5 or 6 at the time.


Couple days ago I showed my brother how to test the electric fence that I put in our garden. I showed him to use a screw driver and to look at the light in the shed to see if it was blinking or not. I turn my back for no more than a second and he's yelling "ow!... OW!... OW!!!!..."..... He grabbed it to see if it would actually shock the rabbits that sneak into the garden at night...
 

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oh man that reminds me when i was in high school we had a crazy teacher and she was talking about how her car had a strange rattle to it, one of the guys in the class said, oh thats your muffler bearings..... with out missing a beat i was like, yea that sounds about right ........ she was mad the next week because she went to a shop to have them replaced
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I have another one.
My step son (the one with the alternator) called me at work me to tell me something was wrong with the lawn mower(John Deere L120) He had started the engine and it sounded terrable.
He held the phone to it so I could here.

I TOLD HIM TO TURN OFF THE CHOKE!!!!

It ran fine after that.
 

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This is a little OT so I hope you all don’t mind.

My neighbor we going to grill out but he did not have enough charcoal to do it. He asked me if he could barrow some from me. I said sure no problem and walked over to my kindling and gathered up an arm load of oak and soft maple sticks and said here you go. He got a dumber look on his face and said I can’t use wood. I asked him why not? He said because you have to use charcoal. I asked what do you think charcoal is made from. He gets a serious know-it-all face and says coal.

By the way I only use wood in my grill I have no way of knowing what is in charcoal that should not be there.
 

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I have G.A.S.
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I had a neighbor once with an old Dodge Dart with a slant 6. The temp gauge was running high as she got home so she popped the cap off & put the running garden hose in the radiator. Too bad she confused the oil cap for the radiator cap......

I had a friend in school who rebuilt the carb on his Chevy Vega & right after that, the engine seized. Laughed my azz off when I figured out that he had hooked the windshield washer hose to a vacuum port & simply hydro-locked it.
 

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Make Smoke, Boil Water!
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My brother is seven years older than me and thinks he knows everything, even though he doesn't know much about cars. He's one of these idiots that drives with one foot on the gas and one on the brake. We're driving in my dad's pickup somewhere and it's running as rough as it could possibly ever run and still be turning over. I noticed that he had the choke full out, and went to tell him. He informed me in no certain terms that I was full of <something> and to shut up. We came to a stop sign and as soon as he pushed in the clutch, it of course quit. He tried about half a dozen times to get it started, all with the choke still full out. Finally he's ready to give up, so I tell him to scoot over, I'll get it going and get us there. After a bunch of expletives, I said, "Quit telling me you know what you're doing and shove over!" I jumped in the driver's seat, shoved the choke in, spun her over a few times with my foot on the floor to clear the flooding, and away she went. He started to say something, and I told him, "Just let me drive it there," and took off quick before he could get out.

When I was mechanic at the gas station, we had kids with air shocks coming in all the time to fill them up. We always made sure to tell them that there was 200# in those hoses, and to be careful. Got sworn at by some smartypants with a Nova. "Okay, just trying to help you out." I saw him just holding down the air valve, so I got out of there. There was this giant BOOM! and every window in the place rattled. I saw the body settle down right onto the tire, but the kid got into it and drove it away anyway...
 

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Awhile back when I was showing my little brother the ins and outs of my 1970 Sears SS12 I told him where the fuel valve is and told him that when ever the engine is not running to close it. Well I decided to test him a little later on (10 minutes) and I asked him if the fuel was on.... He replied "nope, there's no light coming from the tank"..... But he did have the fuel valve closed.


One time grandpa asked him if the tire was full enough and my brother answer "no!! Are you kidding me! The side of the tire is not flat.".... Mind you this is an OLD tire.... So more air went into the tire and he asked again.... Got the same response. Two seconds later it sounds like a gun went off and grandpas laying on his back 4-5 feet from the tire and my brother is laying on his stomach covering his head with his hands. I yelled up the hill "is it full yet!", that set my brother off crying as he got up running into the house. He was only 5 or 6 at the time.


Couple days ago I showed my brother how to test the electric fence that I put in our garden. I showed him to use a screw driver and to look at the light in the shed to see if it was blinking or not. I turn my back for no more than a second and he's yelling "ow!... OW!... OW!!!!..."..... He grabbed it to see if it would actually shock the rabbits that sneak into the garden at night...
Did the electric fence deal with a kid down the road. His family were Devout Baptists:praying:(nothing against Baptists) and thought they were better than everyone else and he didn't mind telling you that and everything he had was better than mine. I got him to whiz on the electric fence. He flopped on the ground for awhile and then went home and never came back over. I guess i proved who was smarter. I thought it was hilarious.:thThumbsU
 

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Did the electric fence deal with a kid down the road. His family were Devout Baptists:praying:(nothing against Baptists) and thought they were better than everyone else and he didn't mind telling you that and everything he had was better than mine. I got him to whiz on the electric fence. He flopped on the ground for awhile and then went home and never came back over. I guess i proved who was smarter. I thought it was hilarious.:thThumbsU
Hmmm-> TG, did you learn that trick from persnal experience??:Stop::Stop:
 

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Make Smoke, Boil Water!
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Another one for you: The boss was a hard-core alcoholic, good to the customers but really rough on us wrench-turners. He'd flown gliders in WWII, made 3 trips over, and consequently was real sensitive to loud noises. You'd drop a wrench and he'd holler.

We had this tanker truck for our fuel jobber (our station was his second office) that had one of those early GMC V6 engines in it - the ones with the sparkplugs on top - and the thing would never quit when the ignition was switched off. It would sit and diesel for a few seconds, then go POP real loud when it finally did quit. It had dual exhausts that dumped out in front of the cab because it was a fuel truck.

So it's a hot summer day, and the fuel delivery driver comes roaring in, and parks the truck in front of the service bay. He grabs the jobber phone and calls in to the office to give and get updates on his deliveries. The boss is on our business phone, deeply engaged in conversation. Meanwhile the fuel truck is just five feet away, with the exhaust pointed right at the boss' feet, going chugga-chugga-chugga... and it's doing it for REAL long this time because it's hot. The rest of us scatter because we know it's going to be loud this time, and we can smell the raw gas.

Finally the truck quits dieseling with this huge BANG and shoots flame at the boss's feet. The boss was so startled he easily cleared three feet when he jumped, hollering "I'm HIT!! I'm HIT!!" He had to hang up on the guy he was talking to, and go around to the restroom to check his shorts.

Meanwhile the manager (boss was hardest on him) was doubled over in the back room. He was a heart patient and I thought he was having an attack! He was gasping, and finally shook his head 'no,' and after about five minutes he managed to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard.

That story was repeated many times since to customers and vendors.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I had a boss that was a real anal orifice; he didn’t like me and thought I was stupid, and didn’t mind telling me so several times a day.
He finally fired me but didn’t say why, I didn’t ask either.
Twenty years later a race track hired me as chief tech inspector where his racecar was running for points.
I wouldn’t treat him different than any one else but he was scared I would.
It was fun to watch him squirm.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I like reading every body elses stories and that is the main reason I post stuff, to get people started.
You guys are great I will never forget the fuel truck.
 

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A buddy's father had a recently new 1988 Olds 88. Buddy's sister thought she'd do aomething nice for her father and wash the car one day...


...with 3M scrub pads and all!


Late at night during a thunder and lightening storm, it was dark in the house and my parents called us kids into their bedroom to watch the racoons in the garbage box in the back yard. We were all on their bed when suddenly is collapsed to the floor!!

I'm not sure what he wanted to do with it, but he promptly rushed downstairs to the basement with a flashlight to get his electric drill.

He came back up, plugged the drill in, and nothing. He tried another plug and nothing.

So off to the basement again with the flashlight to the fuse panel to check on the circuits when it finally ocurred to him that the POWER WAS STILL OUT!

We still laugh at that storey. This was years before cordless drill as far as I know.
 

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years ago its winter. A snowy freezing kind of a day. I pull into a gas station. Attractive girl at the pump in front. She has one of those old cars where you needed to open the gas cap door with the car key. I see her fumble with the key in one hand and the gas pump nozzle in the other. I see the key will not go into the key hole.

I yell to her that there is probably there is some ice built up inside the key mechanism. She smiles and goes back to trying to jam it in.

I get my pump started and figured I would go help her out. I look up as I am walking over to her and she is holding the pump in one hand, a lit lighter in the other and leaning over next to the gas cap door. She starts to hold the lighter next to the key hole and about a foot away from the gas pump nozzle.

I tell stop! and she does and then looks at me for an explanation. The light bulb went off a few minutes into the explanation. Geez did she feel stupid.
 
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