Some of you may already know about this.
First, I have some sad news to tell you and then some happier news so please bare with me for a little while. ...
On July the 3ed, my wife, Marie, went home to be with the Lord.
The last week of March, she had a seizure and a few days later they removed a tumor the size of a golf ball from the right side of her head.
It was a glioblastoma tumor, stage-4 cancer.
The doctors told us that, with chemo treatment, she " might " have 10 to 15 months .. as I understand it, this type of tumor is a 100% killer ... it's just a mater of time.
We have watched friends die from cancer and she said she did not want to spend the last of her life sick as a dog and throwing up all the time .. we chose not to have the treatment.
Up until she had that seizure, we had no idea that anything was wrong.
The seizure had left her totally paralyzed on her left side so she was confined to a bed when we brought her home to die.
She was under the care Hosparus Health of new Albany, Indiana, with a nurse coming to see her every week to check on her and order whatever medicine that she needed.
There was also an aide coming in once a week to give her a bath.
These two gals were her regular caretakers but their other people from hospice that came to see to her needs and I'm very grateful for all they did for us.
Hosparus fixed us up with a hospital bed so we could adjust the head and the knee position for her.
When she was first brought back home from the hospital, she didn't have enough upper body strength to keep herself from leaning sideways when she was sitting up so she had to be propped up with pillows on either side of her.
A few weeks after she had been brought back home, she had recovered enough that she was able to sit up without having to propped up with the pillows but she still could not move her left arm or her left leg.
All during this time, she had friends and people from the church stopping in to visit her and the young people from the church came and sung to her a couple of times.
There is one gentleman that often plays a guitar and sings in our church and, before she had the seizure, Marie had told a few times how much she liked hearing him perform.
Marie was at home for 3-1/2 months before she passed and, except for the last 2 weeks when she had started sleeping most of the time, he came every Saturday and played his guitar and sang for her.
A not so young couple at church had been trying to have a baby for some time and she finally got pregnant.
Marie was really excited for them and she lived long enough that she got to hold the new baby.
Hosparus brought us a special hydraulic lift and a special wheel chair so I was able to get her out of bed and wheel her outside during the day.
She absolutely loved being able to do that and she was alert and strong enough that I was able to get her outside for almost a month before she started getting too weak again.
The end of her life was shorter then it would have been if she had had the chemo treatments but it was a lot happier time for both of us.
Hosparus provided us with an unlimited supply of morphine so she had very little pain during her time at home.
The last two weeks, she started sleeping more and more and the last 3 days, she was in a deep sleep and could not be wakened from it.
I was sitting beside her and holding her hand when she took her last breath at 2:00 in the morning on July, 3ed.
Yesterday, August, 12th, we would have been married for 52 years.
I was totally lost for quite awhile after she died and pretty much stayed home and cried a lot.
Those of you who knew Marie know that she would have told me to " stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something " .. so I did.
While taking care of Marie, I had put on 18 pounds, so .. I stopped eating the fattening foods and desserts that everyone had been bringing us.
I started getting up at 7:30 every morning and driving down into Madison, then I walk briskly along the river, cross over the bridge into Kentucky, turn around and walk back to my truck, about a 3 mile walk total.
That has helped a lot both physically and mentally.
It gets me out of the house for awhile and I can talk with people that have no idea that my wife had died.
I appreciate everyone that I know saying how sorry they feel every time they see me but that just keeps bringing back my own painful feelings.
I'm happy to say that I have lost 9 pounds so far.
I found out that there is going to be a big tractor show in Greensburg, Indiana on the 15th thru the 18th.
This is only about 40 miles north of me so I decided to go to it.
I'm going to take the Lindeman crawler, my R/T and the Shaw tractor.
Last week, I brought the Shaw and the R/T up under the shade tree in the front yard and they have just been washed off.
Today I loaded everything up and I'll head up there first thing Wednesday morning and get it all set up before the show starts on Thursday.
Even though I'll be going by myself this time, it still feels good to be going to a tractor show again.
This will be my first show since we moved down here.