Lawyer joke

[mla2ofus]

Fella walks in a bar with a look on his face like he'd just had his butt verbally kicked. Gets halfway through his drink and yells at the top of his lungs" All lawyers are a--holes!!!!". Fella at the other end says" I heard that and resent it!!!". First one says"What, are you a lawyer?". Second one says"Nope, I'm an a--hole!!!".
Mike

[john-in-ga]

Hope there isn't any laywers present 'cause I laughed out loud at this one. Then save it to my Humor file.

[Durwood]

That was a good one! :fing02: And you beat me to a lawyer joke as i have a good one to put up myself as soon as remember where to find it. I forgot to save it to my computer when i saw it. :fing20:

Durwood

[slipshod]

Does anybody know why Lawyers always wear the dress shirts with the top button done and thier tie pulled up tight?
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It keeps the foreskin from covering up thier face. V

[MowHoward2210]

What do you call a group of parachuting lawyers?


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SKEET!

[Michael]

What do you call 3 lawyers in a straight line?
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An Wind tunnel!!!!! :beatdeadh

[CatDaddy]

What do you call a bus full of lawyers plunging over a cliff?




A good start. :bump9:

[mla2ofus]

Another one: Do you know why rattlesnakes don't bite lawyers?
Answer: Professional courtesy!!!!


If we're stepping on lawyers toes, I apologise, but I always tell myself a majority of our elected officials in DC started out as lawyers. NUF SAID!!!!
Mike

[Durwood]

Free haircuts
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God�s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

[john-in-ga]

1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.
They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

3. How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

4. How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.

5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

8. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.

9. What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator

10. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your honor.

11. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

12. What does a lawyer use for birth control?
His personality.

13. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.

14. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

15. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wing tips.

16. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.

17. What do you have when you've got 50 lawyers buried in sand up to their chins?
Not enough sand.

18. Why don’t sharks eat lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

19. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

[HarryG]

:trink39: Thats absolutely great John. Loved every one. heck, I know laywers don't like it but they chose the profession.
Harry