Lighters and gas reminds me....
So, back 20 years or so ago (geez, was it REALLY that long ago?), I lived right downtown in one of the only other major cities around here... I'm driving home from somewhere, about 9 o'clock one night, can't remember where now, and about 6 blocks from home I get stopped 'cause there's a guy's half-ton blocking the driving lane I was in... so I sit for a bit, to see if he'd move it... Well, buddy's standing out there, talking "animatedly" to another buddy, time's a-tickin'... Being helpful I pull up and ask what's wrong... Well, the half-ton's quit, backing it outta their driveway... And he has to go pick his mother up from bingo... And its his brother's half-ton... So he and his sister are having a "discussion" about what the @@#$@#$@ they should do (the brother's not home, he's not gonna be happy 'bout the truck not running).. "Have ya got some booster cables, man?"
Well, of course I do... So I pull a U-ball, whip out the booster cables and we hook-er up....
"RRRRRRR-rrrrrrrrr-RRRRRRRRR-click"
"RRRRRRr- click"
"Stupid #$#%$@#!"
"Well," I say, "Must be something else wrong..." hoping I can maybe sneak away at this point...
"Maybe if I drop some gas into the carb..." says buddy...
"Um, okay...." I say, and before I can escape, buddy gets under the hood and pops the aircleaner "#$%## aircleaner nut!" he says as it goes flying off into the darkness somewhere...
"Okay, turn it over while I hold the choke open!" he says... By now, well, its too much of a train wreck for me to just get away, so I do...
RRRRRRR---rrrrrr - click
"Stupid @#@##@#@@! Can't see #$$#@#$@# in the dark under here! You got a flashlight, man?"
Well, um, no actually, I don't... Well, I DO but the batteries are dead...
"That's okay, I'll just get out my lighter..." at which point I'm bookin'er out of the cab of the truck! The next few seconds are pretty dang exciting, I'll slow them down for ya...
Flick-flick- WHOOOOMP! as the gas sitting in the carb throat goes up! WHAM!!! as buddy with the burning eyebrows leaps up and back and clocks his head on the hood of the truck!
"@#$@@#$%@#$@#$%#$$^%&#$@#$ $%#$%#$%#@$#%!!!!!!!!" as buddy dances around slapping his eyebrows and holding the back of his head.... Fortunately, all we lost were buddy's eyebrows... The rest of the truck did NOT burn...
About this time, the cops pulled up and let us know that we had to get the truck OFF the ROAD! So, we say Okay officers, will do! We'll just push it back up into the driveway buddy says... So we pop it into neutral, turn the wheels and go get behind this thing.... HEAVE! HEAVE! ALMOST THERE says buddy... This is the point where I notice that his driveway has oh, maybe a 45 degree angle to the first 2 feet of it... And maybe it wasn't THAT big of a truck, but at this point it sure FEELS like a 3/4 ton or bigger! We get it half way up, and it ain't going ANY further...
"Okay," says buddy, "hold it here and let me go get my sister and her kids!"
AAARRGH!
After some time, out comes the sister again, who is once again discussing animatedly exactly what's going on and what she thinks of the brother.. brief pause to introduce me.. .then out come the kids... who are probably about 4 and 6 years old... um, THIS isn't gonna work... At that point, the brother (owner of the truck) gets home (because Mom had phoned him from the Bingo hall wondering where her ride was) and an even MORE animated discussion begins (interrupted by a brief introduction of me, the guy with the booster cables)... On the upside, the brother helps push the truck up onto the driveway, and I'm able to escape...
Things that make you go hmmmmm....